Deli Diner Pillows

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Can I have flies with that'

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

You're pig-headed, Louis, I like that in a man.

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

Zagat Rated.

The Deli Llama

'Your tea is getting cold.'

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

Chicken Coupe.

'You made me jump,'

'Ralph, I'm gonna' need wings on the fly!'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

"It's made with real angel hair."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

Big Boy Foot

"I'm a retired doctor."

'They ought to change the name of this deli to The Cramer - they get it wrong 50 of the time.'

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

Man finds a python in his breakfast egg

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

'All right, I agree with you.'