Deli Diner Pillows

Have you heard of a celebrity roast, Lance? The closest I ever came to a celebrity roast was the time I had a roast beef in a deli and Henny Youngman walked in.

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Can I have flies with that'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

Zagat Rated.

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

You're pig-headed, Louis, I like that in a man.

The Deli Llama

Diner. Breakfast Specials. I'm a type "C" personality. Until I have my morning coffee I have no personality at all.

'You made me jump,'

'Your tea is getting cold.'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

"I'm a retired doctor."

'Ralph, I'm gonna' need wings on the fly!'

Chicken Coupe.

'They ought to change the name of this deli to The Cramer - they get it wrong 50 of the time.'

Big Boy Foot

"It's made with real angel hair."

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

Man finds a python in his breakfast egg

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.