Dehydration Dodger Pillows

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

"Don't bother gathering carbs for me, I'm on the Paleo diet."

Portrait sweating above a fireplace

A genie helps a man fold laundry.

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

'How can he remember 37 passwords but always forget to pick his clothes up off the floor?'

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

"Are you listening to me?"

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

'Do you mind? I'm trying to read.'

Reasons to avoid training No 234 - "I was on my way to the gym but then I heard that the DOW JONES had fallen 2.5%."

"No, I'm not going to work. I sent my computer to work for me. The screen has a photo of my face, so people will think it's me."

"Accursed global warming!"

Winter depression.

'Looks like rain. I'm finishing for the day!'

"Now that the person chewing gum so loudly has finally stopped, perhaps we can all pay attention to what I'm doing here."

'Forget the water, give me some golf clubs. I haven't swung a club in days.'

'Phone-b-gone, gets rid of unwanted phones.'

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

'Bless this spinach, albeit the work of the devil.'

"Can't we just this once, for God's sake, stay on topic?"

"Brian's New Year's resolution is to spend more time on the treadmill."

"I am sticking to the diet. This is just a fat jumper."

'Crystal! You didn't duck and cover! If this wasn't just a drill and I had been a real deranged fan, you'd be soaked in beer right now!'

Why moths should not drive at night.