Degree Holders' Dilemma Gifts

"You've got a degree, why do you do this?"

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"Make a lot of money."

Continuing education.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

Exam

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'Congratulations, you graduated.'

"I see here that you are a recent graduate."

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"I'm pre-law and pre-med. That way if I foul up I can defend myself."

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

Day one, post grad

"The labor market is awaiting you!"

Grim Reapers sitting their 'Finals'.

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

"Sorry, but you need at least a Masters to get into the Deep Woods."

MBA, PhD £100,000 student loan. Please Help.

'It's true that a college degree might render you overqualified for your present position, but it's a chance I'd take.'

'Gee, maybe there was something wrong with this college.'

'Well, I guess a master's degree is a master's degree, even if it is in skateboarding.'

'An MBA from Harvard is quite impressive. But you'll still have to start off at the bottom here. You start serving coffee in the cafeteria on Monday.'

'I was working on my online degree, until my computer went on sabbatical.'

'...... in sickness and in health, through the long lean years before tenure or perhaps no tenure, for better of for worse ......'

'Mrs. Wayne was so excited about getting her masters in physical science, she took a quantum leap!'

"It'll be signed after your student loans are repaid."

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

English major will work for food.

'I'm still trying to decide if I should join the workforce or get my masters in staying.'

Ticking the right boxes.

Graduate Job Openings

"It is my wish that this be the most educated country in the world, and toward that end I hereby ordain that each and everyone of my people be given a diploma."

'I'm sorry - Mr. Jenkins, MBA, PhD, MD, Esq. is O.U.T.'