Defensive Decorator T-Shirts

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

Politicians' basements (as seen on TV)

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

Painting the Ceiling

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

Face Painting.

"Except for that wall socket, the whole damn thing is a trompe-l'oeil."

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"I'm starting to think stripes."

'The roof needs icing.'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

"Who should we have at eye level this month?"

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

'I wanted a change in decor.'

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"This aquarium is such a nice prison."

'Quick, press control Z!'

Redecorating Easter Island.

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

The Old Woman was thrilled to bits with her shoestring budget makeover!!

"Well, I didn't have any more wall space, and I was also tired of being bald."

Early cave painters