Defense Mechanism Fan Gifts

"You dropped yer wallet."

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"What old school? This is my life."

"That's why safety boots are so important. . . you see? Eddie's feet have stayed perfectly dry."

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

'I'm a guard dog too.'

Japan Disaster: Japanese fighting Nuclear Grim Reaper.

Veteran mistakes ironclad ship for Noah's Ark

"Isn't that adorable? He learned that in Karate class."

Broken down ambulance means horse and man have to carry stretcher

'Stand back!...She's cleared out three local stores in the last year.'

"Just relax and hold still."

Root worker painting a unhappy face on the road.

'Wow, I'll earn my black belt in no time.'

"And remember, always keep two chevrons apart."

"Nice moat."

'I'm on century duty.'

"Any more martial arts tricks you want to show me?"

'We need to be more proactive less reactive.'

Sign on Door at Karate School For When Door is Locked

The gray area between kick boxing and box kicking.

Betty liked to use safety glasses

John Bolton May Be Nuts But He'll Be Good For One Important Sector of the U.S. Economy

'I hate daylight saving time!'

"I'm looking for a sense of security and piece of mind in a short-recoil-operated, single-action semiautomatic."

"They were a wedding gift."

"You put a ticket on a US army vehicle? You idiot!!"

Desk Repairs

"On the upside, Sarge, we've broken our record time for getting to the scene of an accident."

Cowardly Sea Cactus

"Yippee! I'm right!"

Sign on lead mining company billboard: 'We support the N.R.A.'

'Back off! This is a 0.000057 Magnum!'