Defender Of Young Minds Pillows

"Tomorrow, we'll take on the tobacco industry."

Multi-Generational Books

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

'Hmmphhhh ... High on Life. Now that's something the government ought to regulate.'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"We don't make cookies anymore - I'm selling Girl Scout apps."

"I would share, but I'm not there developmentally."

"I won't do the 'What I did on my summer vacation' assignment. I consider it a privacy issue."

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

Arming teachers...what's the worst that could happen?

Adult Crime, Not Adult Logic

Head Start Nursery.

'Well if sixty is the new fifty and forty is the new thirty then yes,twenty must be the new ten...'

'My job is to challenge young minds. Please try to cooperate, so that I don't lose mine.'

The Minor Issue

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

"I'm diagnosing a conflict of interest . . . your body knows how old you are, but your mind refuses to believe it."

Girl to mother: 'Don't call me a teenager. From now on, I want to be referred to as a pre-adult.'

'I just think everyone in the family should have the same rights and privileges.'

'Don't get me wrong, I love children. I'm just not ready to hire them.'

Gen Z

"There aren't many jobs for teenagers these days."

Sir Paul McCartney warns UK Culture Secretary of live music s bleak future

'If youth is so important why didn't god give the ten commandments to someone younger?'

We are 50 going on 15...

Adult Crime, Not Adult Logic

'Of course, I sweep everything behind that door.'

'We're not called young offenders social workers any more. I'm a scum whisperer.'

"If we could do anything right now...? We'd return to our respective homes and forget we'd ever met."

A child's fear of bogeymen, monsters and trolls under the bed is easily resolved, simply cut the legs off the bed.

"Do you think our son is growing up too fast?"

'I know it's your first day, Ms. Smith. Come down, the high standards we set will all fall into place, besides they're just kindergartners.'

"What I really need, Santa, is a moral compass."

Social Security or Bust.

Hoodie reading 'Crime and community service'.