Deep Sea Diplomat T-Shirts

"I thought we had agreed, no lawyers!"

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"What the hell, sweetheart―if you want it, it's yours!"

"Oceans are rising, landmass is shrinking - so far so good."

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

'There. See? Your buddy is OK. Now show us our guy before we make the swap.'

'Your ambiguities are impeccable, young man - just what our department needs.'

"Legal and accounting were O.K. with it, but I had trouble getting it past archery."

'Ok - I'm reaching out!'

"Shoulda brought the weed."

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

"There goes the merger between Brigg's corporation and Ludlow industries!"

'They aren't shy about cutting you out of the decision making process.'

Vladimir Putin as Uncle Sam

Serious business

"Take us to your diversity outreach consultant."

Alien that resembles a coconut is marooned on desert isle. Human on the same island cracks open coconuts. '. . acts of unspeakable barbarism by indigenous life form continue unabated . . .'

"It's inhabited and they appear to be friendly."

Good duck, bad duck.

'Death in the 'life' section of library'

Cat pleads into mouse hole: 'Can't we talk about this?'

'Shall we talk about your unacceptable behavior or shall we go directly to the penalty phase?'

Drunk sailor anchored to a bar.

The free and sovereign republic of the ninth floor.

"Lets stop arguing about the pool. We'll divide it in half and stay on our half."

'No, I'm not interested in hearing a counter proposal.'

Statesman, Scientist, Author and Treky.

"I wanted you to meet our colon specialist before we miniaturized him."

Russian and Chinese Alliance.

Everyone likes to feel appreciated.

It's time again for my 'State-of-the-family' address.