Decadent Diner Pillows

'I've taken the liberty of deep-frying the check for you.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

Cover Design for Yellow Book Prospectus for Vol 5 (Not Published)

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

'The customer is always right...'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

Joe's Truckstop Diner: Eat In - Take Out - Poop somewhere else.

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

Lemon beelzebub for table 666

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

Road Kill Cafe.

"Dinner looks delicious."

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

Menu.

'Make up your mind, M'sieur — a hundred years from now, what difference will it make what you had for lunch today?'

"Bring me something impaled on a tusk."