American Diner Aficionado Pillows

'Hey handsome, mind if I buy you a drink?'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

'Who gets the decaf?'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

Mom's Diner/Mom's Desserts

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"....and hold the garlic."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'