Debunking Guru Gifts

Nobody Died of the Corona Virus Think Logically!

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

'We're looking for someone who can multitask - but not during the interview.'

'Just decaning the wine, Dear; I'll be in, in a sec. Someone's at the door; and oh, yeah, the dog needs to be let in.'

'The Parkinson would be good PR, but should I wear the hair shirt or the sackcloth and ashes?'

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

'Yes, I am looking for an ambitious person and no,I don't have any plans to retire in the near future.'

"What do you mean you quit? You're not even hired yet."

'English majors on the bulldozers, poli-sci majors on the dump trucks, sociology on the excavators...'

"I don't want them to smell fear, so I'm going to roll in something before the interview."

Avoid talking about personal and domestic issues at interviews, unless asked.

"I've never had a day's illness in my life. I always make it last a week."

'OK, that covers strengths. Do you have any weaknesses?'

"Well, for starters, you’re holding the shovel all wrong."

"My mind is plenty open, Grandma. But not so much that my brain falls out."

'As with all the other candidates, if you could write your expected salary on this piece of paper, we can then move on to the next stage.'

'How about, 'I am dynamic and results driven.'?' - 'It needs more 'pizazz', more 'sizzle'!' - 'What about, 'I am a dynamic, results driven, innovative, highly motivated team player.'' - 'Almost perfect...' - '...just swap 'team player' for 'chubby little

The brain cell that was suppose to help me remember.

Vicarage - Beware of the Dogma.

'So, tell me about your biggest weakness...for example, wanting to be paid money.'

"I've been in this business a long time Tom, and I recognise talent when I see it...unfortunately you haven't got any!"

"Randy, please. Don't believe ever stupid social media fake nonsense."

'I'm obedient and I'll work like a dog.'

Presenting a better image

"Please do remember us in the future. There's no reason to limit your rejections to just this one time."

"We're looking for someone with a high level of self-confidence, Mr Anthony. Unfortunately, I think you're overqualified."

Out-tray Paper Aeroplanes

Cloned Man Waiting.

"Our psychologists find him stable and ambitious, he's led an exemplary life, and has a fine family. One slight drawback: he knows nothing about engineering."

'I know I interviewed for this job last week, but I've reinvented myself six times since then.'