Debate Addict Gifts

"You call THAT happy?"

"What are you watching?" "A preview of next week's Republican convention."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"You're fired."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

'The meek shall inherit the debt. The rich shall inherit the loopholes.'

Oligarchy

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

Scarcity

What's normal?

Annual run-off at the mouth.

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

Ahem. I'm eating. Not now, please. Just one tiny question. Believers I American exceptionalism have always said we're the paragon of democracy. So I'm just wondering … How come one party is passing unnecessary laws that'll keep millions of us from voting? They're robbing us of our voice! Could've surprised me.

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

Dialogue

The economy.

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

Skeptic Tank.

'If no man is an island, then what the hell is no woman?'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

"Now that's a win."

'Good evening! The debate over animal experiments continues...'

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'