Deathbed Pillows

"I'll never forget my father, near death, saying 'get me a pen... I'm going to change my will.' But it was Sunday, and all the stationery stores were closed."

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

Grim Reaper Snack Bar

Existential Risk

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

'He says he's tried sending you tweets but his cell phones keep melting.'

'Oh, no! The monster under my bed is my brother!'

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

Monster fixing boy's car bed.

"Perfect! By the way, I'm a huge fan of your movies!"

"And, for God's sake, don't let anyone finish my novel!"

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

"Now there's one less conspiracy theorist in the world - or is there?"

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

Water bed.

'Are you going to keep that silly mustache for all eternity?'

"Hurry up! - You don't have all day. . ."

"I've always thought it was eerie. He expired the same day as his Visa card."

'Ah... you'll be wanting the King si...er...Queen size.'

"I wonder what ever became of those cute little umbrella swizzle-sticks."

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

"Oh, come on. How can you be surprised to see me?"

The three stages of modern life.

'It's rock hard this water-bed of yours.'

'My wife insisted this is where I spread her ashes.'

"I just don't feel right unless I get my normal eight hours of semiconscious drifting in and out of sleep."

'I had a vision of my own death. I really go out in style.'

Destroying Music Speakers.

"...I think I'm beginning to regret revealing my feminine side."

"Alice, do you have any singles? He wants a tip!"

"Before I commit. . . what's the wi-fi like?"

Waterbed Sales Inc - Watched Over By A Lifeguard.