Deathbed Gifts

"I'll never forget my father, near death, saying 'get me a pen... I'm going to change my will.' But it was Sunday, and all the stationery stores were closed."

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

Existential Risk

Grim Reaper Snack Bar

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

'Oh, no! The monster under my bed is my brother!'

'He says he's tried sending you tweets but his cell phones keep melting.'

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

Monster fixing boy's car bed.

"Perfect! By the way, I'm a huge fan of your movies!"

"And, for God's sake, don't let anyone finish my novel!"

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

"Now there's one less conspiracy theorist in the world - or is there?"

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

'Are you going to keep that silly mustache for all eternity?'

"I've always thought it was eerie. He expired the same day as his Visa card."

Water bed.

"Hurry up! - You don't have all day. . ."

'Ah... you'll be wanting the King si...er...Queen size.'

The three stages of modern life.

"Oh, come on. How can you be surprised to see me?"

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

"I wonder what ever became of those cute little umbrella swizzle-sticks."

Sparkling Waterbed.

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

Death Online

'It's rock hard this water-bed of yours.'

'My wife insisted this is where I spread her ashes.'

"...I think I'm beginning to regret revealing my feminine side."

"Before I commit. . . what's the wi-fi like?"

"I just don't feel right unless I get my normal eight hours of semiconscious drifting in and out of sleep."

"Alice, do you have any singles? He wants a tip!"

'I had a vision of my own death. I really go out in style.'

Destroying Music Speakers.