Death Care Navigator T-Shirts

"Would you like to save 10 percent today by opening a Palmer Funeral Home account?"

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

Better times ahead.

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

Hospital Departments

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

Midlife: You Are Here.

Wiseguys/Smartasses/Eggheads/Smarty Pants

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

Doubt or Certainy

Parkinson Ave - Alzheimer Drive

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

"Cardiac day patients?"

Medicare: More is Better!

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"I am just going outside to find an NHS dentist and may be some time."

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

"I just hope that when your mother is as old as I am you'll be able to help figure out Medicare Part D."

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

Covid-19 vaccine - locally-sourced $50 /shot

"I don't see the doctor anymore because I'd have to hire some kid to set up the patient portal."

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

"I don't care what it says on the 'chocoholics' website I'm not able to prescribe chocolate mini eggs on the NHS."

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'You must be one of Billy Covey's teachers.'

"You know you're getting old when you can find your way around all the local hospitals blindfolded."

Psychiatry. On the highway of life, I can't maintain the minimum speed.

"Yeah, I'm at that awkward age where all my friends are starting families, or rehab."