Dating Veteran Pillows

"I hope his dark side is more interesting."

'It's just that, when the dating agency described you as 'the outdoors type'... '

"Not on a first date! That's fine by me, I've been on lots of dates."

"When I was married I was 100% of the time. I'm looking for something in the 60 to 70 range."

"Ed, I think I've reached that seemingly inevitable point in a relationship where I need a little time to step back and try to understand how I've gotten involved with yet another total loser."

'It turned out to be a very crummy date and I kept thinking, 'I shaved my legs for this?''

"Do you have ANYTHING, that would make him seem interesting?"

'I went out with Harold tonight just to be nice. . .'

Just because you can pick up a dumbell at the gym doesn't mean you have to date him!

When policewomen date.

'I get the feeling you haven't heard a word I've said.'

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

'How long have you two been married?'

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

'I still have all my own teeth.'

'You know your mother Dave, she's always on my back about something.'

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

"I figured, better the devil you know."

"You know, Daddy... We should thank a vet every day."

Tunnel of love

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

"Well it's been nice doing business with you. Maybe we could meet for lunch some time?"

"Huge fan."

'I'm used to having my decisions overturned since I've been married 20 years.'

"But it's supposed to be recreational sex, not guilt sex."

Elderly Dating

'Turbulence? Oh I'm used to that, I've been married 20 years.'