Dating Philosopher Pillows

'Why are they called the opposite sex?'

Hells singles

'This is our fourth date together, don't we get a gold watch?'

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

Why hasn't she text me to say she's late? She's stood you up. No, maybe it's okay, maybe she's had an accident...

Colin knew things were going well when he saw his date trying to make him jealous

'Actually I'm looking for a less meaningful relationship. I didn't understand the last one!'

"Sorry Peter, but you're just not evolving quickly enough."

'What is worse: The fear of having a bad time. . . or the fear of having a good time?'

"To quote my broker, 'Past results are no guarantee of future performance.'"

People who ghosted me

"Would you like to come back to my place and face some uncomfortable truths?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought we were just dating."

"All the good ones are buried."

"Alright, I'll admit it. I never have cleansed my palate of Charlene."

Life is for the birds.

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

"All a cat CAN do is strive for authenticity."

"Moulting"

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

Scurile travels

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

'Isn't that wonderful? We both suffer from intellectual angst!'

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

"Now look, Frank, Molly, there's nothing wrong with a Polar Bear and a Penguin being in a relationship. In fact, in my experience, Polar opposites attract!"

'I like a woman who's open and friendly, as long as she's only that way with me.'