Dating Philosopher T-Shirts

'Why are they called the opposite sex?'

Hells singles

'This is our fourth date together, don't we get a gold watch?'

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

Why hasn't she text me to say she's late? She's stood you up. No, maybe it's okay, maybe she's had an accident...

Colin knew things were going well when he saw his date trying to make him jealous

'Actually I'm looking for a less meaningful relationship. I didn't understand the last one!'

"Sorry Peter, but you're just not evolving quickly enough."

'What is worse: The fear of having a bad time. . . or the fear of having a good time?'

"To quote my broker, 'Past results are no guarantee of future performance.'"

People who ghosted me

"Would you like to come back to my place and face some uncomfortable truths?"

Monkey, I'm lonely. Fuel price anger counseling – $25. I really, really want to meet the right girl. But what's right for me? Maybe I need to know that first. What do you think? What does it mean when your counselor picks stuff out of your hair? You're insane.

The cleansing process isn't working. For some reason, I can't seem to purge myself of the urge to hit on chicks. Why bother? I do it once a year for a week so that I can prove I have some control over my life and urges and so I can see new things in the world, besides just hot gals. For instance, did you know we have a bicameral democracy? Duh. Learned during cleansing '86, the year after discovering low-fat cheese. Of equivalent efficacy.

You make my skin crawl … If so, I'm doing you a favor. After all, skin must learn to crawl before it can learn to walk.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought we were just dating."

"All the good ones are buried."

"Alright, I'll admit it. I never have cleansed my palate of Charlene."

Life is for the birds.

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

"Moulting"

"All a cat CAN do is strive for authenticity."

Conference on the Control of Time and Space. Left to Right: Isaac Newton, Aristotle, HG Wells, Ptolemy,Isaac Asimov, Albert Einstein, Galileo, Copernicus.

Scurile travels

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."