Dating Fails Fan Gifts

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Big date tonight, but I've just shed an antler: Do you have superglue?'

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

'Ok, Bachelor number 2: What's your idea of a perfect first date?'

"I never understand what you're trying to say."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

Joe Hundredaire

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

"He's in his late somethings, but he's cute."

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

'Well David Chuck, let's see your ideal partner...'

'This is not what I meant when I said we were going dutch.'

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

"Sure you remember me. I'm the guy who collapsed here last night... right in front of your... and had to be rushed to the hospital."

'My ad said I was 'blond with curves' it didn't say anything about me being a woman.'

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

Duncan made a real faux pas when he heard that his blind date was expecting a baby.

'In the looks department, Bill is very planed. On our date, we went to a bar and he go me hammered. I got bent out of shape and split. In my opinion, the guy's a bit warped.'

"No, I can't come out tonight, Darren. I'm washing my hair."

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

"It's about this smart T.V. that you sold me, it won't let me watch Love Island."

OK, I'm a little shallow, but I'm meaningful.

Speed Dating. Ernie likes speed dating because the date's duration has a guaranteed minimum.

Twenty thousand leagues out of his league

-and which one's your bird?

'Hey good lookin' come here often?'

A young man creating an awkward silence

But I told you I just wanted to be friends. Sue. Ed.

"O.K., Belinda, America wants to know . . . How. Will. You. Settle!"

How was your date with the girl wolverine, Axel? It started off badly at the restaurant. I told the Maitre d' I wanted a table for two and he replied, "two what?" I then gnawed off his left leg. Things went downhill from there.

"There's one of you I really connect with. . ."