Dating Escapade Admirer Gifts

Why did you cancel your Uber?

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"You lack spontaniety."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

Biological Cuckoo clock

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

'He had bulging muscles and a wallet to match!'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

Ostrich Bar

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

Alligator Bars

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

"It's funny how people suddenly come out of the woodwork when they know you're taken."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

My personal ad specifically said I was a "dog person who enjoys walks on the beach."

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

I've been going on a lot of first dates lately, but nobody wants to go out with me for a second date on Valentine's Day. The architect made other plans and the banker has no interest in seeing me again. The pilot doesn't see our relationship getting off the ground and the teacher thinks one date was enough --- she said she learned her lesson. What about the dietitian? I thought you two had a great time. We did --- but she's looking for somebody higher up the food chain.

"What if I dress up like a Chihuahua?"

'And that m'lord concludes the case for the defence. . . '

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

"Yes, we met on a blind date, or in your father's case, a blind drunk date."

Are you honestly trying to play footsie with me? I never mix footsie with honesty.

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

"We pointed, but we never clicked."