Dating Dramatists Gifts

"Oh super! Why do I always draw the short straw?!"

"Sorry, but I'm in a relationship at the moment so it's going to have to be your place."

"You owe me five bucks."

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

"Honey! What's wrong. . . Mommy get you a band-aid!"

"Accepting for..."

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

'This isn't the kind of animal magnetism I like in a man, Frank.'

Love Bites: The Dating Game - "No, he loves me more!"

"Worthy of an Oscar don't you think?"

'Another triple, Joe -I'm trying to forget several women.'

"Oh, yeah? Well, we just put out a contract on you too!!!"

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

'I called this emergency meeting to discuss the lack of respect I've been getting around here lately.'

'On TV they play dramatic music as the contestants enter the ring'

Yenta Theatre Presents: Waiting for Godot

'Never mind the dramatics, Watkins. Just read the treasurer's report.'

'I'd invite you in, but I've given up jackasses for Lent.'

Lady with an inflatable dinner date.

It's a thin line between judge and chaperone, your honor. Try not to cross it. !

"There's been a few changes since I was last here."

Housewives meet Top Chef

"All the world’s a stage, and we merely the actors/waiters."

"I'll consider your proposal, but first I need a second opinion from your ex-wife."

'You need to do more than rustle your plumage, sir, to woo me.'

No pressure

'This place has gone a bit down market since they got a new landlord!'

I was going to make you a rich woman, but you're done. Fine with me. I don't care what percentage I'll get. I won't let you play with my reputation. I won't let you trade in fake scandal. Perfect. What? We got your anger on videotape. Your redemption is complete. You're back on the air. Even my head is spinning.

"Was there ever a boy scout badge for 'caution'?"

"I'm sorry- I was wrong."