Dating Dramatist Gifts

"Before we begin, I am obligated to remind you that anything you do or say can be used against you in a group chat with all my friends."

"You owe me five bucks."

It's a thin line between judge and chaperone, your honor. Try not to cross it. !

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

'This isn't the kind of animal magnetism I like in a man, Frank.'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

Love Bites: The Dating Game - "No, he loves me more!"

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

'Another triple, Joe -I'm trying to forget several women.'

'I called this emergency meeting to discuss the lack of respect I've been getting around here lately.'

'Never mind the dramatics, Watkins. Just read the treasurer's report.'

"I'll consider your proposal, but first I need a second opinion from your ex-wife."

Lady with an inflatable dinner date.

'I'd invite you in, but I've given up jackasses for Lent.'

No pressure

"Oh super! Why do I always draw the short straw?!"

"Was there ever a boy scout badge for 'caution'?"

'You need to do more than rustle your plumage, sir, to woo me.'

"We can't go back to my place the cops are digging up the basement."

'I've just discovered how much we two have in common - including my boyfriend!'

'But enough about me, now let's talk about your money.'

"I feel like I have all this anger inside but no one special to share it with."

It's not you, Tom. It's your, ah, um...'

'Don't take it personally Dave, I'm just not into guys with ponytails.'

'How about giving me your phone number?. . . But I don't know your name.'

It's the same old story...boy meets girl, boy loses girl, girl rips boy to pieces on a nationally syndicated talk show!

Drawing the Short Straw.

Speed Dating/Speed Dumping

"Hell, I'm from the dating agency. Can I move in with you."

"Wanna go out sometime – soon?"

"It's not you, Frank, it's me - I don't like you."