Dating Disrupter Pillows

'Well. I gotta admit, she did say in her profile that she's an old-fashioned girl!'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

Macho Vegetarian

"If he doesn't go nuts first, he'll be the first person to ever write a novel on a cell phone."

Broken since March

'Are you seeing anybody?'

GAP. GAP. NO GAP.

Gross! Get you external hard drive off the dinner table!

Man painting over a computer screen.

"Our specials can also be accessed at www.todaysspecials.com."

"O.K., so we'll have sex and if that works out we'll go for a nice dinner and maybe a movie."

'She wishes.'

"Nothing for me, thanks."

'That's typical of him, to ruin our first decent night out in ages.'

Sure, this is singles bar. I'm single, Roscoe here is single...

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

"Been lookin' for love in all the wrong carnivals."

Spoonfest

'I didn't know I was going to sneeze.'

Texting or no texting?

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

"Mine's a large one!" "How I wish!"

Sarah enjoyed her dates a lot more ever since she invested in a ChaperDrone.

"Voila!! For the Lady, Seafood Linguine, and I believe Sir ordered the Chef's Surprise?"

Twenty thousand leagues out of his league

But I told you I just wanted to be friends. Sue. Ed.

'Ok, I've hacked into the NHS. Elsie Bartle had two sore throats in 1973; where do we go with that kind of data?'

How was your date with the girl wolverine, Axel? It started off badly at the restaurant. I told the Maitre d' I wanted a table for two and he replied, "two what?" I then gnawed off his left leg. Things went downhill from there.

"Ice-picks and chill?"

Listen to me going on about myself! You could probably use a break, am I right?"

I have laryngitis. I lost my voice screaming because the internet generation is so self-centered. You write self-centered blogs, internet sites, and now you tweet. You are navel-gazing narcissists. Aaaah. Getting yelled at by a sign. Tap tap tap tap.

'Any way I could play through?'