Dating Disrupter Pillows

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"If he doesn't go nuts first, he'll be the first person to ever write a novel on a cell phone."

Macho Vegetarian

Broken since March

'Are you seeing anybody?'

GAP. GAP. NO GAP.

Man painting over a computer screen.

"Our specials can also be accessed at www.todaysspecials.com."

"O.K., so we'll have sex and if that works out we'll go for a nice dinner and maybe a movie."

'She wishes.'

'That's typical of him, to ruin our first decent night out in ages.'

Sure, this is singles bar. I'm single, Roscoe here is single...

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

"Nothing for me, thanks."

Spoonfest

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

"Been lookin' for love in all the wrong carnivals."

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

'I didn't know I was going to sneeze.'

Twenty thousand leagues out of his league

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

"Mine's a large one!" "How I wish!"

Texting or no texting?

"Voila!! For the Lady, Seafood Linguine, and I believe Sir ordered the Chef's Surprise?"

Sarah enjoyed her dates a lot more ever since she invested in a ChaperDrone.

'Ok, I've hacked into the NHS. Elsie Bartle had two sore throats in 1973; where do we go with that kind of data?'

"Ice-picks and chill?"

Master dog trainer.