Data Diviner Gifts

Madame Irma: sait tout, voit tout. Lit l'avenir dans le big data.

Some line managers like to use graphs in performance management meetings.

"...and right here in Q2 is where the 'you know what' hit the fan. . ."

'Sir, do you believe in omens and portents?'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

Back in my day, we were drawn with ink on paper, not on some fancy digital pad, but at least we knew we existed.

'This graph may need some explaining...'

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

Violent Crime Statistics

'Maybe we have the wrong subject for this brain mapping project.'

"Eureka! Details to follow."

'We have some facts about you that you don't remember, some that you thought were really secret, and some that never even happened.'

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

'86.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

It's spooky how Amazon can track you down

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

'It looks like our data.'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."