Data Defense Enthusiast Gifts

"I can't remember my social security."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

'With the increase in hacking, the I.T. department has proposed sealing all of our data in blister packs.'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"I love your optimism."

Privacy Conference Security

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

"The new computer is great, but we can't get rid of the old one. It knows too much."

Aggression/Security

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

'That one is a bit more expensive, but it comes with a profit.'

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

"Profits lately have been spiraling downward."

'Since PRISM, nothing is 'off the record' any more.'

"They're worse than carpenter ants. We have hacker ants."

'He's working on the great American requirements document.'

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

'I have the MRI scan of your brain. The right hemisphere is clogged with computer passwords.'