Data Collector Gifts

First and last day as census taker...

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Interdisciplinary studies.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Before the Internet

That midnight hour when fleeting memories come home to roost.

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"I had an Android, then I switched to an iPhone. Then I went back to an Android, then I switched back to the iPhone. . ."

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

Useless information desk at trivia buff convention

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"I'm away from my desk right now..."

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Attic of hopes and dreams...

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

The Month of July

'He's just come back from another management training course.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"You question my methodology? Perhaps you should question your questionology."

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

"Please feel free to browse."

"I wonder what this was for."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Funky Facts: Elephants.

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

'How old is this vase?'

An angry Driver stuck behind the 8 Ball.

'Well, do you want to sign up or not?' - 'Um...yes and no.'

Florida Golf.

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

Walk, Don't Walk, Laugh.

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."