Dark Matter Devotee T-Shirts

'When is science going to explain the dark matter I find in my belly button every morning?'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Vlad the Impala

'You can just forget about the cake.'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

Another day at work would be one too many...

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

"The Eggsorcist"

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

"Always with the String Theory."

"The end of my favorite series is near."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

Charles Addams.

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

"Are you Matthew Jones with a double 'T'?"

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

Vlad the Wholesaler

"Congratulations! You've made the short-list for who we're blaming."

"Siri, find an ICU near me."

"Any references?"