Dark Matter Devotee Pillows

'When is science going to explain the dark matter I find in my belly button every morning?'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Vlad the Impala

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"The Eggsorcist"

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

"Always with the String Theory."

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

"The end of my favorite series is near."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

Apothecary. Tell us what ails you. We'll concoct a chemical mix to dissolve in water which will fix you. Every problem has solution!

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

Charles Addams.

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

"Are you Matthew Jones with a double 'T'?"

"Congratulations! You've made the short-list for who we're blaming."

Vlad the Wholesaler

"How was prom?"

"Any references?"