Dark Humorer Pillows

'I realize you're the boss, but if you continue to terminate the employees, they'll be none left.'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'... And this is my cellar.'

Dead Funny

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

He looks so natural lying there...

"I'm the bad guy..."

The practical psychopath

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

"Housekeeping?!"

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

Optimist

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

"Messenger, dost thou bring me good news or dost thou bring me bad news?"

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

The Reaper's Arms

"So besides opera and lurking, what do you do to relax?"

'Et tu Yakamoto?'

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"