Dark Humor Detectives Pillows

"Looks like our school district is going to change again."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'... And this is my cellar.'

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Another day at work would be one too many...

Out To Lurch

A boy acting suspiciously

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

Dead Funny

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

The practical psychopath

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

End the Winter Blues

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Pastries and Candy

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

Hell Separates Real Madrid and Barcelona fans.

Zombies.

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"The Eggsorcist"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"Housekeeping?!"