Dark Humor Detectives Pillows

"Looks like our school district is going to change again."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'... And this is my cellar.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

A boy acting suspiciously

Out To Lurch

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Dead Funny

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

The practical psychopath

Pastries and Candy

Zombies.

"Housekeeping?!"

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"The Eggsorcist"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

End the Winter Blues

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."