Dark Humor Afiicandos Gifts

Bad Luck.

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'... And this is my cellar.'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

Out To Lurch

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

Another day at work would be one too many...

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

Dead Funny

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

The practical psychopath

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"How about if we just winter in hell?"