Dark Comedy Admirer Pillows

"This coffee seems a little staler every morning, Edwina!"

"Louie, you apply for a loan while Rocco heads in through this door and files for bankruptcy."

'Are we expecting a fleet of super-size handcarts?'

'I'm sorry - I'm just so easily bored.'

'For being a doctor, I guess I expected you to say more than, 'Sucks to be you.'

'On that last pitch, he felt something pop in his elbow. ...I'm a little concerned.'

'Nothing to be concerned about -- just some stretch marks.'

"We can't take breaks, but lunch is provided."

Vampires talking, "You know that full fat stuff isn't any good for you"

'Hell? No. We're just the side effects of your new drugs.'

Dracula uses a borrowed coffin.

Waiting for the end of the acid-rain delay at the ballpark in the year 2258...

Young widow popular at the graveyard

101 uses of a dead cat: missile

London looting.

'I have no idea how this story about me wearing Prada got started.'

"To be honest I'm not in a happy place at the moment."

"Sorry, Boss, I thought you wanted me to make it look like an accident."

The Quack Quack Diaries - Quack Quack Gets Possessed

101 uses of a dead cat: floatation devices.

"That's my late husband Henry. His last wish was to remain pickled!"

101 uses of a dead cat: weights

"This ain't no trick or treat, mister, this is a stick-up! Give me your cash, credit cards, jewelry...and that candy bar!"

No, it' more of a dry, persistent cough.

My client is a simple man with simple needs, your honor. He was driven to embezzlement by his avaricious wife's expensive lifestyle. By rights, she should be in jail, not him. I'd suggest this to the district attorney, except for the fact that she and I are currently dating. Speaking of which, could you lend me a hundred bucks?

"Just for the fun of it, let's add some goat turds to this batch of hand sanitizer."

"The temperature's actually the same as out there, 
but sometimes I just need some Lucifer time."

Coming soon, Edwin Blurdge!

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

M.T. accidentally triggers the predator pursuit response.

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

Moses' Tablet

Saint George and the Drag Queen