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The night

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

Lady Macbeth

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

100 best beheadings

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

Viral Pathology Center (janitor finding three dead bodies)

"We can't take breaks, but lunch is provided."

Clone Factory

"It's not so bad! But I DO have to sleep on my side. . .2

Found pearls! No way I'm leaving. . . Amelia.

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

Vincent Van Goth.

'Think about it: If we blow up the bridge, they'll have to swim across again...'

Faust

"Sorry, Boss, I thought you wanted me to make it look like an accident."

"Julie...would you cancel my 4 o'clock please...?"

Waiting for the end of the acid-rain delay at the ballpark in the year 2258...

"Congratulations, dear, you're the sickest looking one on the whole floor."

Lovers' Leap

'That would be a whole lot funnier if it weren't hooked up to your colostomy bag.'

'You're supposed to give two weeks notice, you know.'

" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."

"With the quarantine over, I decided to dig a hold in the basement!"

'If it makes you feel any better, I gave the kid you copied from the same grade.'

"And for dessert we offer death by chocolate, after life sponge, or the damned for eternity tart."

Muggers nick nurses bag only to be showered in syringes

Boxes entitled 'Suggestions' and 'Last words'.

'There'll be a slight delay. The chef is cramming for his nutrition finals.'

'...He's always been the life of the party.'

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

Mom's Mortuary