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Faust

Scientists are sexy

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

Lady Macbeth

100 best beheadings

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

Was the Illuminati - now the Illuminasty

'I've got it made in the shade. What worries me is sunshine.'

"We can't take breaks, but lunch is provided."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'I'm quite impressed with your bloodthirstiness but we won't be able to offer you health benefits eternally.'

Vincent Van Goth.

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

Waiting for the end of the acid-rain delay at the ballpark in the year 2258...

"Do you have a Venus Fly Trap?"

"Running out for lawyers and CEOs. Want anything?"

These colour charts are ridiculous... coal' black, 'midnight' black, 'licquorice black'.' - 'There's too much choice! All I want is plain old boring bl-' - 'Ooooooh... 'panther' black.' -

Night of the living will

" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

How Witches Do Diabetic Testing.

'There'll be a slight delay. The chef is cramming for his nutrition finals.'

Meet Thy Doom

"This coffee seems a little staler every morning, Edwina!"

'That should be good for quite a few doctoral dissertations in the future.'

The night

'80 of our business conduct is immoral or illegal. I want you to fix the remaining 20.'

"There's a lesson for us. If you don't chop off a few heads now and then, you'll end up paying taxes."

"If you insist on giving me a gift for being accepted into Oxford, I could use a new DVD player...gift wrapped in a BMW."

"It was reading about the dangers all the time that drove me to drink!"

Tomorrow's Special: Flavored Whole Milk