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" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."

Scientists are sexy

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

Trumpeter swan meets trombone swan.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

Lady Macbeth

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

Monkey Business College

Faust

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

Three tailors block the street, forcing a passerby into their shop.

Teacher to student: 'I taught your father. He owes me $3,000 for therapy.'

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

'..the sound of no hands clapping...'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"If you insist on giving me a gift for being accepted into Oxford, I could use a new DVD player...gift wrapped in a BMW."

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

Let me guess...you peed on your homework again!

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'Gentlemen, it's time to face the truth - we have absolutely no idea what we're supposed to do'

"The Bible . . . that would be under self-help."

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

"I'm under a restraining order."

'You have to stay after school because you got caught in the hall without a pass? But you're homeschooled!'

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

Sherlock Holmes gets back at Professor Moriarty through reduced research funding.