Daredevil Devotees Gifts

France, 1792: The Human Cannonball -- Le canon de l'Homme -- is First Deployed in Battle

"We can have someone there in a few minutes to help you with your computer. Can you have a mattress outside to soften his landing?"

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

Washing Line Walker

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

Dairy Devil

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'

A convenient attack of swine flu...

'Of course we can do it! We're BIRDS!'

"First, we tell everybody that you're in rehab. I'll take it from there."

A high wire act walks over to a bottle of wine.

Morbid evidence showing a high dive went terribly wrong!

Middle-Aged Man Celebrates Birthday Riding Escalator Without Holding Handrail!

'Face it, William - you're shit at it!'

"And now I will attempt the same feat but without insurance."

Hire Wire Act

Cannon crossing sign for tightrope walker.

'Mr. Franklin. what did I tell you about wheelies in he hallway?'

"The Johnsons finally get around to child-proofing their home."

"Here's Bill now. I'm not sure where he's been, but I'm guessing it was the Sour Beer Festival."

"It says here that you've been fired 126 times! Oh, hang on. I see you were a 'human cannonball' in the circus."

'Well, in all my years as a relationships adviser, this is the first time I've had to admit defeat within the first five minutes!'

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

"I'm sorry guys – I guess at our age Truth or Dare is a little too fraught."

At the retirement home for daredevils.

Bovine Cannonball

"Your Honor this is Exhibit A in the Wallenda Paternity suit."

High wire performer has to stop at traffic lights for crossing trapeze artists.