Daily News Reader Pillows

So much to be cross about, so little time.

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

"The car is in the garage, but I had to drive over the lawnmower."

Reading the sports pages.

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

Rhinoceros Is Most Intelligent Ungulate

"Well, I think we come back as newspapers." "You're nuts."

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

Netanyahu versus Gantz

Cleaner dusting under man's toupee.

"We do have on item the internet hasn't already beaten into the ground, ad nauseam."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

'No, I am not finished with the comics section, now give me back my glasses!'

It's 10 P.M. does anyone know what 'sequestration' means?

When Dogs Appear To Be Thinking.

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

"This is the way I like it - I pretend to be asleep and he doesn't bother me."

"Someday when you have a kid of your own and you feel the urge to arbitrarily say no just because you can, you'll understand."

'I won't be reading the paper online today, so you can take my computer back to my office.'

'Stocks rose, then dropped on news that life is full of highs and lows.'

Celebrity anagrams: Is a salt water rat (Answer: Alastair Stewart)

'Nothing's happened today-read it dead slowly.'

"It's five post meridiem in Central Europe. Compliled form the major networks the news is next."

NEWS WEATHER SPORTS

News and Magazines. Record Debt. Dollar Down. How can the dollar be weak when we've been giving it such a good workout?

"I hope I live long enough to see Bush's view of his legacy come true! I'll be around a long, long, long time!"

"Darling, there's an offer for a time-share nest in Florida: Should we apply?"

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

Farmer reads newspaper headline 'Drought Hits Midwest'; sees sand dunes and camel caravan through window.

'That's nothing new. Thatcher had a similar plan, but she called hers; 'Every man for himself'.'