D.i.y. Enthusiast Pillows

"What's the difference between the butterscotch champagne mist and the tawny sunset beige? Probably something buried deep in your psyche."

"John isn't very mechanical."

'I need a helping hand.'

Nun hammering with a crucifix

"I adore your place. Did you do it yourselves?"

"Well, I suppose it'll have to do."

'You have to do that chair again. You got the paint on upside down.'

"Oh Dad, you're the best! My own aquarium!"

"Awesome! Dad fixed the toaster!"

"Now that we're in self-isolation I've draw up a list of jobs that need doing around the house."

"Young Frankenstein"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

'C'mon get it straight.'

Self help acupuncture

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Painting by the numbers for adults

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

Stoneage puncture repair kit...

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

Tool Box

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Painting the Ceiling

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...