Cynical Voter Pillows

"And if elected, I promise to do everything in my power to get re-elected."

"I vote for the person I least like so I'm never disappointed when they do the wrong thing."

VOTE!, 'If elected, I'll sponsor legislation for a $10 billion study of Government hypocrisy!'

Re-elect Senator Yomp...NOBODY out porkbarrels me!

"Why do you always vote for 'None of the above'?"

"...and which of the election candidates do you dislike the least?"

"So it's agreed. I'll keep saying what you want to hear and you'll keep voting for me."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

Will Self deprecation

"You mean to tell me I can only vote against one Congressman?"

Vote Grinkley! Now you see him, now you don't.

"If the press brings up your past just double down on 'The sky is falling!'."

Dirty Tricks Dept.

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

"I can't wait till after the election when everything will be perfect."

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

"The candidates this year are really honest."

Diogenes and tourists

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

'That's it?'

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'

"To be perfectly frank, the preceding was a paid political bunch of lies."

"Nah...not really...he's only won one game!" (Clever dog).

"This looks cool, Mum, a university offering a degree course in Greed."

"...and, if elected, I promise never to tell another lie...oh, there I go again!"

Vote for Ken and his congestion charge.