Cynical Voter Pillows

"And if elected, I promise to do everything in my power to get re-elected."

"I vote for the person I least like so I'm never disappointed when they do the wrong thing."

VOTE!, 'If elected, I'll sponsor legislation for a $10 billion study of Government hypocrisy!'

"And I'm happy to report I've formed an exploratory committee to help me determine whatever the hell it is you people want to hear."

Re-elect Senator Yomp...NOBODY out porkbarrels me!

"Why do you always vote for 'None of the above'?"

"...and which of the election candidates do you dislike the least?"

"So it's agreed. I'll keep saying what you want to hear and you'll keep voting for me."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

"If the press brings up your past just double down on 'The sky is falling!'."

"You mean to tell me I can only vote against one Congressman?"

Dirty Tricks Dept.

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

The Government That Cried Wolf

There's a lot of money flowing into political campaigns. I'm less concerned about money in politics than I am that none of it trickles down to me.

Vote Grinkley! Now you see him, now you don't.

Will Self deprecation

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

Diogenes and tourists

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

"I can't wait till after the election when everything will be perfect."

"The candidates this year are really honest."

'That's it?'

"Nah...not really...he's only won one game!" (Clever dog).

"To be perfectly frank, the preceding was a paid political bunch of lies."

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'