Cynical Comics Fan Pillows

'You're wasting your time here, Pal. They don't even know they're living.'

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

Boss encouraging employees to invest as company goes down hill

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

The finer points of marriage.

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

'I'm not saying I'm honest -- I'm saying that I'm afraid of getting caught!'

"I like what you have here but the title seems a little pushy."

'I finally understood 'negative numbers' when the teacher said they're just like the US budget deficit.'

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Bush vs. America

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

'You buy low, sell high, leave it all to your unappreciative kids, then die. That's it...'

'Well, John, in the past two years you've gone from being extremely depressed to being basically unhappy like the rest of us. My work here is done.'

'I've never read such stupid twaddle in all my life, I like it'

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

'There's always a catch'

"Everything has been done to death."

"I have nothing to hide."

'Always remember, son...there's an unsuspecting public out there.'

'I'm promoting you from yes-man to corporate stooge.'

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"Thanks for auditioning, you're too dark for the part but we were really impressed at how well you conveyed 'frustration' "

Cricket widow's revenge

A vending machine is dispensing free lunches for $10

Information and Still don't get it.

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

"It's not your heart, JD-you don't have one."

"I want a campaign that shows the brand's empathetic, inclusive and caring side - or you're all fired."