Cyborg Admirer Gifts

Robot about to eat a battery

"All we have left is standing room only."

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

Bot Art: After da Vinci

"I'm looking for something really dull and repetitive."

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

Six-tier Communal Cradle.

"Behold! My greatest improvement to fatherhood. She cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids, burps, and farts. What's more...she self-identifies as a father!"

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."

'We unfortunately had to compress our dinosaur area due to budget cuts. On the bright side, TyrannoTriStegoApatoHadroPlesioSaurodon Rex here is now the museum's most popular exhibit.'

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

Robot Painter

"Why are all of your answers so mechanical?"

"Shouldn't have, you really."

How's your nephew doing in human school this year? Great! He has a calculator and spell checker like last year, and this fall new features have been added. With new translation software he can take language classes now, and for social studies he just clicks "history." Bonjour! I'm so proud! He has the school's highest G.P.A.! Other students can't copy off him anymore because he started using encrypted code. His favorite upgrade is the enhanced ability to process school lunches. He's bee

Meowlzebub

Employee of the Month

Artificial hearts.

'It just dawned on me that every time we make a phone call, it's a robocall.'

Really? You're hiring me back to replace the robot you just replaced me with? I've had a change of heart, minion. It may be cheaper to automate my café. But it dawned on me that robots don't buy very many drinks. Plus, as much as I try to let the bottom line guide me, I am, deep down, a very compassionate man. I couldn't bear the thought of you being poor and miserable. Maybe he's not such a bad man. Plus, one accidental incineration of a customer and the authorities get all weird about it.

"Sure, he has artificial intelligence, but it's his artificial empathy that won me over."

Fear of Flying Seminar

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

Robot Office Tasks

"Who's the new guy?"

"My 'check engine' light came on."

'That must be my computer date.'

Next World Tours

"Look, I'm doing the human!"

"They're talking about birdhouses again. Time to send them birdhouse ads."

'I am not a robot.'

Now hiring. You seem very motivated. It's my internal drive!

'The really scary part is that he is the new head of human resources.'

"I have designed us new, steam-powered space suits."

"Someday our robots will have all our anxieties for us."