Cybernetic Counselors T-Shirts

"I see that you're very concerned about the rise of AI technology."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"You're completely screwed up."

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

"I got connected to the internet!"

'All I did was to connect an artificial heart to artificial legs, to an artificial kidney, to...'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

You have a lot of patients coming to your for counseling! Yeah, I just saw a supernova who is dealing with burnout. Later, I'll see Pluto about his inferiority complex and a black hole who wants to fill a void in its life. Then Hailey's Comet and his wife will discuss why he's rarely there for her. Since your practice went universal it just keeps expanding! You're so busy! Yeah, my head is spinning!

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

He's crying again. Should he see a therapist?

So, when did I realize I was a control freak, doc?…

I always felt I should have been born into royalty, Doctor Kapuchnik. If it's any consolation, Al, you're a royal pain.

Cyber Fight

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

Weight of the world on your shoulders.

"We began with a hip replacement and just sort of riffed off that."

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

Berlitz guide to Scamese

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

'I'm not saying he's too old, but he has a five-inch floppy disk drive.'

Harold finally decided to take his psychiatrist's advice to become more receptive.

"Have you considered laughing into the abyss?"

'My psychiatrist told me to take up a hobby, so I became a psychiatrist.'

'Our research shows that downloading happy songs prolongs computer life by 20.'

"I'm right there in the room, and no one even acknowledges me."

"I'm sorry—I never discuss my clients with their mothers."

Non Compos Mantis