Cybernetic Counselors Gifts

"I see that you're very concerned about the rise of AI technology."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"You're completely screwed up."

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

'All I did was to connect an artificial heart to artificial legs, to an artificial kidney, to...'

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

Cyber Fight

Weight of the world on your shoulders.

"We began with a hip replacement and just sort of riffed off that."

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

Berlitz guide to Scamese

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

'Our research shows that downloading happy songs prolongs computer life by 20.'

'I'm not saying he's too old, but he has a five-inch floppy disk drive.'

'My psychiatrist told me to take up a hobby, so I became a psychiatrist.'

Harold finally decided to take his psychiatrist's advice to become more receptive.

"Have you considered laughing into the abyss?"

"I'm right there in the room, and no one even acknowledges me."

"I'm sorry—I never discuss my clients with their mothers."

Non Compos Mantis

'He saved his dog before he saved me during the hurricane!'