Cybercrime Satirist Gifts

"You've been right all these years. You don't belong down here. Someone hacked into our computer and switched their name with yours. I'd like to say sorry, but I am the devil."

Airport Security.

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"Now you can send it."

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

'for more obit info, go to...'

Follow me on Twitter...

There's a lot of crying out there! Looks like we were gnawing on the internet cable...

New hyper-realistic Star Trek

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

"My Twitter account isn't too interesting. It's mostly just a bunch of threats."

"They don't appear to want to take over. They just want to dance."

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

How to create a password you can remember...

Pop up begger.

Munich Security Conference

"I.T. says these new laptops they gave us come loaded with all the latest viruses."

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

"Today, charges that Putin hacked Trump's tweets..."

'It's not working because it claims it can think and has decided not to.'

"Hey Alexa, make it nice and easy for hackers to keep tabs on everything I do and influence my voting intentions."

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

'Hello, security.'

NHS computer: Kaput.

"Just a few more minutes. The system's down but we got a guy working on it."

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

I'm not saying he's dumb, but talking to him is like talking to a firewall.

You're Employment has been terminated -Smiley face lol

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

Fakebook