Cyber Physician Gifts

Hypochondriac at two computers. One reads 'Internet diagnosis', other says 'Second opinion'.

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

'I hope you don't mind me bringing a few medical students in to see you. '

Kevin had a computer virus.

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

"There was a system failure that caused a brief crash, but fortunately I was able to reboot."

'Sure, you can communicate with him. He's also hooked up to the Internet.'

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

'Our research shows that downloading happy songs prolongs computer life by 20.'

"That's not what it says on the Web."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"I'm a doctor, I'm allowed to google it."

Sad looking computer with plasters and a black eye

"Nurse! Call the doctor, I've found out what is wrong with me."

"According to this website my symptoms show that I'm dead!"

'I feel a lot better! I hacked into your computer and reduced my insurance co-pay.'

"I really want to thank you for these great telepsychiatry sessions, doctor. The format lends itself to easing my anxiety and feelings of inadequacy around others."

'Great news. There's a new, highly effective app for what you've got.'

Annual meeting of the American Telemedical Association.

The management consultants recommended the use of more portable technology on the wards...but we couldn't afford laptops.'

'I disagree with you, doctor. It's not just a hangnail. According to the Internet, it's a rare genetic disorder. . .'

"Let me through! I'm admin!"

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

Information Virus.

"Yes very good, but have you consider a role in cyber?"

"Let's make a deal, doc. I'll stop diagnosing myself on the internet when you start making house calls again."

'I have your lab results on my tablet - just let me finish this game first.'

I think the doctor will agree with me on this, Sir, you have Elephantitis!

"I'm very impressed with your web research,this self-diagnosis would be 100% accurate...if you were a Patagonian fruit bat!"

'Doctor, would it be possible for you to treat me as a human being?'

"Hmm. . . I think I see your problem. . ."