Cutthroat Capitalist Gifts

'Don't take this the wrong way but I'm thinking of calling someone in to manage our future corporate acquisitions.'

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

Quiet Please: Merger In Progress

'I'd love to play house, Kevin, but I've got a business to run.'

The scales between gluttony and hunger

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

"Watch these old guys- you can learn a lot."

The Little Banker Bonus Pack

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

Shareholders Meeting - I don't like the look of this year's annual shindig.

"I can't say I love New York, but I can say New York loves me."

Amputee watches wealthy man who has a spare set of legs.

"I like your reading the financial pages junior. It shows you have an acquisitive mind."

"Where'd you get that?"

Financial Pirates

"I am well aware of what my contract says Jerry but this kind of royalty is of no use to me."

'I used to be a 'nut', but since I made millions in the market, I'm a 'contrarian'.'

"Video game? No, I'm using the raise in my allowance to buy back stock."

Bio Oil Co.

"You know what I think, folks? Improving technology isn't important. Increased profits aren't important. What's important is to be warm, decent human beings."

I shall now unveil my first great experiment in exploitative capitalism. Oh joy. Institute for Capitalist Exploitation. Beneath this sheet is an extraordinary creation. I give you … The new cafe exclusive VIP premier executive best customer reward card. Available to anyone who pays $9.95 a month for membership. Fine print: Includes no benefits.

Recovery We Can't Afford

'No hard feelings, Rusty, but I've always told you it was a dog-eat-dog world.'

"Want to play company officers and corporate raiders?"

Business men in street looking at poster, "It must be hard living in a country where the rich and the powerful completely ignore the needs of the less fortunate"

"It seems to me that there is a kind of envious and jealous atmosphere in your company..."

'I'm a nervous investor so I asked my broker to dilute my market risk. My broker put me into a hedge fund of hedge funds of hedge funds.'

"If I knew what effect Trump will have on our stock funds, maybe I could sleep."

"We should invest in some hotels, a few railroads, and maybe a couple of utilities. If we're short on cash we can just wait until we pass go."

Negotiations Break Down

"It started out as a simple case of compassion fatigue, but within a week, it had developed into full-blown amoral ruthlessness. Of course, that's when my career really took off, so I've just learned to live with it."