Customer Service Master Pillows

'I think they want to close up...'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"We rolled your account over, sir, and that just made it worse."

'Wow, are all these desserts for here, or are you going to stuff your faces in the privacy of your own home?'

'How would you like your toast?'

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"Well so much for our policy of putting the customer second!"

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

"Wait, mister Samson. The manager said he'll give you a full refund and a year's worth of free stylings."

Rapunzel's short-lived career in the restaurant business.

Run in the Family

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

"Why have you doubled the price of oatmeal?"

"Ah — excellent catsup."

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

"More croutons, sir?"

'Rabner is tops in customer retention.'

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"Fresh-raked leaves?"

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'