Customer Service Manager Pillows

'John this is where you should declare your undying love and tell Miriam she's the wind beneath your wings...'

'I realize working in the Complaints Department can be tough. But it must be a thrill to work with the public on a daily basis.'

"Right, shall we delay the discussion on customer care again and look at the urgent issue of declining sales and plummeting profits."

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'It's not my job to argue with you, sir. So, I'm turning you over to Mrs Yomp.'

'I'm keen on precise statistics as the next person...'

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

'Your call is important to whoever we are after our last merger.'

"Is this the Department of Equivocation, Denial and Misinformation?"

Business man under going an eye test and reading letters which spell customer.

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

"No, madam. You're right. This is the complaints desk."

'I dont care how much you interfaced,interacted,coordinated,arranged,or organized last month. Just tell me how many customers you served today.'

"And that is where we started to focus on customer care."

Bad customer care dept.

'That sometimes happens when the boss treats his customers like his employees.'

"You can't say that to a customer!"

'You wouldn't be the first one I've had as a client.'

Please wait while we have a cup of coffee and a bit of a chat about what we're doing at the weekend your call is important to us...the wrong automated cal system can have disasterous effects upon your customers.

Strategic Priorities

Here's a bill for the use of our waiting room and magazines.

"Customer complaints are a 'learning' experience... and the first thing you need to learn is how to use the office shredding machine."

"If you have any complaints about the way your business is handled please make sure Gerald here is informed so that he can ignore them."

I admire his PASSION, I REALLY do but 4am Powerpoint presentations on improving customer satisfaction ratios can be a LITTLE wearing!

'But you are the Customer Services Department so 'That is for us to know and for you to find out' just isn't good enough!'

"Trying to improve customer loyalty is okay, but kidnapping customers and locking them in your cellar is not the right way to go about it."

Preemptive customer service.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Find out which is cheaper, Hoyt - improving our products or expanding our complaint department."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"Sales are up, based on the number of customer complaints we've received."

Insert 50 cents for absolutely nothing.

"Exceeding customers expectations is made easier when they, generally speaking, expect us to be rubbish!"

"We need to really FOCUS on our customers if we're to rip them off to inflate our profits."

"Complaints should be seen as a 'learning opportunity'. I'm using some of them to learn how to make a papier-mâché model of the Pyramid of Giza."