Customer Support Manager Pillows

Enquiries/Limbo/Claims.

Customer can't find anybody in customer service window which has customer service awards.

"Your issue should be simple to resolve. I'll just go and get someone less qualified to help you."

Online form - Submit.

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

GO AHEAD ... MAKE MY DAY!

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

'How would you like your toast?'

'Wow, are all these desserts for here, or are you going to stuff your faces in the privacy of your own home?'

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"Well so much for our policy of putting the customer second!"

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

"Why have you doubled the price of oatmeal?"

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

Communication

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"More croutons, sir?"

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

"Ah — excellent catsup."

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

Rapunzel's short-lived career in the restaurant business.

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"Fresh-raked leaves?"