Customer Service Associates Gifts

"Do you have any loafers?"

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

GO AHEAD ... MAKE MY DAY!

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

Night-shift entrance

Telephone message - 'This is a recording. If you'd like to speak to a real live human being, forgetaboutit.

"You may ask your questions only when I call your name. Don't waste my time with chit-chat. I don't have all day. Got that?"

"Okay, ha ha, now seriously...Where's the rest of the nuts?"

"Stop whinging and man up!" "Our new AI complaints management system still needs a bit of work."

"As an expert in loyalty, Fido will create an emotional bond with each customer."

"I'm considering going client side. That way I can still be an a*****e and actually get away with it."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

Would you like something from the bar, miss? It looks like you might need it.

Rent-a-Drama: "How many tweens will you need for your event?"

Metropolitan Prize Puzzles.

"Hey! You were that old sourpuss who worked at the motor vehicles department!"

Automated customer service.

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

"Well, buddy....a lot of people are missing that. Just look at the social media comments."

"I'm the nice huggy lady from the government."

'Hold on, he's back again.'

Sale today - 50% off everything!

"How much of this stuff can I eat before it can no longer be returned?"

'Getting other people's toddler's leftovers on a highchair is one thing, but getting their toddler, too, is another.'

Man dies unnoticed in his office cubicle

"The Sales Department suggests we teach Customer Service personnel how to assist customers without telling them where to go."

"We will indeed be facing numerous enraged customers."

Fun at the Office #563: THE DAY THE TELEPHONES EXPLODED

"I know he is now our richest client but he is very loyal!"

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans.' 'Now you don't.'

The early version of accidentally hitting 'reply all.'

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"Any chance of some credit?"

Cupid Co. Valentine's Day Special Offer. For centuries Cupid had a monopoly in the falling in love business. But dating apps were making him obsolete. So he formed a company combining his matchmaking knowledge with online marketing techniques. Perhaps the biggest factor in the enormous success of Cupid Co. is the no questions asked return policy when a customer thinks an item is not as advertised.

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."