Current Events Obsessive Gifts

"And this is our 'panic room'. We usually pop in here after watching the nightly news."

Schengen

British savings accounts

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

National Everything Awareness Day

Donald Trump Removing Aggressor Label From Vladimir Putin

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

"The best part is that we got hell to pay for it."

Health Advisory: Flint Water has lead, Ann Arbor water has dioxane.

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"Everyone stay calm, if we don't upset it maybe it won't start shooting."

Turkish Democracy

"As I see it, 'Crazy politics' - like not voting on a supreme court nominee - is better than a complete government shutdown."

Mission Kinda Accomplished

New Flavors at Where's the Scoop Ice Cream

Roe v. Wade

Armageddon

Russia Money Laundering

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

"New court filings. Totally clears the President. Thank you." "Actually, sir, it, uh, says you did crime and might go to jail."

Reporter #6: television.

"You don't even need to lie down on the therapy couch! Any therapy would be totally senseless, Mr. Putin!"

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

"Sir, multiple people were stabbed by a terrorist in..."

Fifty shades of Leveson.

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

"Do you think the 'Taliban' is: (a) a cellphone company; (b) a deodorant (c) a terrorist company

"It's a complicated time for needle phobics."

Non Thought For The Day.

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

Sisyphean task with the free press.

"So—who are you angry at currently?"